Okay, it's about time I started filling you all in on my wedding planning. So, this is the first of hopefully many wedding posts. Sometimes I don't feel like talking about it, and making a fuss and all, and then I realize that this is the only time in my life I will be engaged and planning a wedding- so I better start relishing it!
Now, you may think I would be having a very traditional vintage wedding- Emily Post style. Fancy embellished invitations, engagement party, bridal shower, guest list bursting at the seams, 4 course sit down dinner, dancing to a full band, cake smooshing, and a big send off.......
But it may surprise you to find out that nothing makes me want to barf more than that idea. Insert finger in throat -Gag! I guess in this way I am an Offbeat Bride. While I love the vintage lifestyle, I am still a modern gal. I have tattoos, curse, drink, work for my own money, and already live with my fiance (for 5+ years now) and own 1/2 of the house we live in. So, you can see how the modern white wedding doesn't really suit us or our lifestyle.
I am not a princess. In case you didn't know I am not a descendant of the royal family. Therefore, I don't need to act like I am a princess. I have not been dreaming of my wedding since I was 3. I didn't sketch my wedding dress and make a sample menu. I don't want to wear a tiara, sit in a horse drawn carriage, and have trumpet blowers. Not that there is anything wrong with brides wanting that experience, but I don't want that experience.
While I am normally a big ham and like to be in the spotlight, I don't want to be the center of attention on my wedding day. I don't want to walk down an aisle on my fathers arm and have him give me away. I think this tradition of a father passing off his daughter to the man who asked him for her hand in marriage is disgusting. The tradition harkens back to the days when women were possessions of men, first the father's and then the husbands. While I like to joke about such things, I am under no mans thumb. My father is not "giving me away" and no, my fiance did not ask my father for my hand in marriage-he asked me and I said yes without consulting anyone else. My father and I don't have the best relationship, but we are working on it. I figure he won't be too upset because he got the "White Wedding" experience with my sister, whose fiance did ask for her hand in marriage-barf.
I don't want to exchange the most meaningful words ever said in front of everyone I know, or kiss in front of everyone while they try and take pictures. I am not big on PDA in general. I don't want to make my vows a three ring circus. I don't want aunt Bessy fake crying to act like she cares so much about our union. I don't want Cousin Bill complaining that the $50 plate he didn't pay for was cold. I don't want Grandma Jean complaining about the loud music.
It is not only my wedding that I feel this way about. Most weddings I have attended make me uncomfortable. Most of the time I am sitting there waiting for it to be over, wondering if I should gaze at them and smile or if that is creepy. This was especially bad when I actually have to be in the wedding party, standing up there in some ugly dress, wondering if everyone can tell how bored I am. Mostly it is the ceremony that bothers me. I always feel that I am watching something that I shouldn't, some private moment that only they should be privy to. Am I the only one that feels this way? I always like the reception better: dinner, dancing, cake. But it still seems like the wedding couple gets the short end of the stick here. They spend all night running around trying to greet everyone that came and in that time miss eating the diner they paid for! They also rarely get a moment with their new husband/wife, and at the end of the night are too tired for much of any wedding night romance! I can't think of anything sadder.
While not everyone can fit into any mold, I am noticing a trend to big over the top weddings and quick marriages. I am sure we can all name a couple that spent $25, $75K, or even $150K on a wedding and were only married a few short years. I hear that the number one thing couples fight over is money, so starting your life together drowning in debt can't help. I know the strong relationships can take it, but why chance it? The average wedding costs $28,000. Most couples that forgo the White Wedding say they chose to use that money as a down payment on a house. I already own a home, but I can think of a lot of things that I would rather spend that money on. But, beautiful weddings can be done on a budget if you are thrifty, which is necessary in our case because we are paying for 100% of everything on our own, and not going into debt over a one day event.
It may seem like I hate weddings, but I don't! I love hearing about people living their dream weddings, getting their dream dress, etc. But that is their dream, not mine. I have known for years that I wanted to marry Zack, but I knew we would never have a White Wedding- that is just not us! But please don't get the idea that I don't want to get married. That couldn't be farther from the truth! I adore Zack, he is my best friend, and I can't wait to be married to him for the rest of my life.
The fiance is in agreement with me on all of these points, so we have decided to do what WE want for our wedding, with no consideration to tradition. Sorry if you don't agree, but this is how we feel, and last time I checked it was our wedding and no one else's.
So, what are we doing you ask?
We are running off together!
We always thought the notion of eloping was romantic. The couples always seem so happy, serene and sincere. Nothing but the two of them, together, alone fully able to express how they are feeling in that moment, not worrying about the other people in the room. It also fits in with vintage nostalgia for me. While there was still huge wallet busting weddings in the 50s, most were more modest and simple-not all the hoopla like today. A lot of young couples eloped, some in an old prom dress, Sunday best, or handmade dress. There is a photo of a 1959 wedding couple on the back cover of the July issue of Reminisce Magazine- She is wearing a homemade gown that cost $17, he rented a tux for $10, they had their reception in the basement and honeymooned with dinner and a movie. Ya know what? They looked so happy and had a long marriage! As my friend Chris once said, "Simple wedding, extravagant marriage". I couldn't have said it better! That is us in a nutshell!
So, while elopements are not right for everyone, they are perfect for us......except for the spur of the moment part. I am a planner by nature. The thought of waking up one day and saying "You want to get married today?" scares me because it is the only time I plan on getting married and I want it exactly how I want it. I want everything to be my version of perfect. I have had multiple nightmares about being forced into a White Wedding that I didn't want, being pushed down the aisle in a tacky modern dress that I hated, with no hat and no gloves! It was horrible!!! I screamed "This is not what I want!" I cried and screamed more "I don't have a hat and gloves!". So, as you can see, White Weddings are literally a nightmare for me, but I am most concerned that I get to wear what I want, and that includes a hat and gloves. I am a proper vintage lady and must wear a hat and gloves! Read: sarcasm.
So, we planned out every detail of our running off together, which apparently no longer makes it an elopement! From what we can tell, people would call it a destination wedding, but with no guests. We are really breaking the mold here!
While looking up etiquette on elopements I read a lot of talk about elopements like they produce lesser of a marriage, and that people who elope are selfish and don't want to share their joy with anyone. Really! If wanting the wedding that I want makes me selfish then I must be selfish! I personally think that forcing me into your idea of a wedding and forcing me to pay for it is selfish! But out of respect for our friends and family who truly just want to share in the joy of our long awaited marriage we are trying to host a local post-elopement/destination wedding party. Say that 5 times fast! We are still on the fence about how we feel about such a party, but we have come to terms with the fact that there is no way around it- and better we plan it then have something we don't want planned for us. We know we don't want a sit down dinner, toasts, or father-daughter dances. We just want music, drinks, and casual dancing. Maybe we will wear our outfits again, show some pictures, and eat cake- but that is as far as it is going!
So, if you want to say something nasty about my feelings (remember feelings are personal and can never be wrong, only facts can be wrong) on weddings you can just stop reading my blog. If you want to hear more about the Offbeat Wedding I am planning then stay tuned!